6 Tips for Guys to Understand Their Spouse Better
Guys are direct and goal oriented while gals are subtle and people oriented. Because they are different, men and women can’t expect the opposite sex to behave the way they do. When men are faced with a problem, they try to solve it, while women want to discuss the problem at length before trying to fix it. Women have different needs, are often less interested in sex, and they want to feel connected, appreciated, and understood.
Don’t Try to Solve Her Problems.
Think about what your wife is trying to do when she approaches you. If she wants to talk about her fears, don’t immediately shift into problem-solving mode. Let her talk about how she feels, allow her to discuss the issue in detail, and come up with her own solution. Often your wife doesn’t want the problem solved, she just wants to talk about how she feels and needs to know you’re listening. Talking and sharing feelings may be all she wants to make her feel better. After a good talk, she may feel the problem is solved, even if you have done nothing but listen. Listening is especially important when you are spending lots of time together under quarantine.
Resolving Sexual Differences.
If your wife seems uninterested in sex, try to be sympathetic to her rather than critical. Instead of hearing “I don’t feel like having sex tonight” as a personal rejection, imagine some possible reasons for her feelings. What might be worrying her? Is she tired from taking care of children not that they are home all the time and she is trying to work and help them with their schoolwork? Is she angry about something? Was she abused as a child? Don’t imagine that differences in sexual interest mean your marriage is about to end or she no longer loves you. Your wife may just want to be listened to and cuddled. Instead of thinking only about your own sexual needs, try putting yourself in her shoes. Being empathetic will go a long way toward mutual understanding.
Wives Need to Feel Close.
Women pay a lot of attention to relationships and they want to feel their marriage is solid. If you have been away for a few days, pay extra attention to her when you return because she will want to reconnect and talk about what has happened while you were gone. Tell her you missed her, you are glad to see her, and you want to be with her. If your wife seems to be troubled or insecure about something, ask her what’s wrong and encourage her to talk about how she feels. Is she fearful of being infected with COVID-19? Worried about how the children are doing in home schooling? Listen to her needs and feelings, because she wants to feel understood.
Everyone Needs Appreciation.
Women work hard at home and if they are taking care of children right how and working from home, then are under severe stress. Take some responsibility for helping around the house–do the dishes, help with cleaning, do the shopping, and cook a meal once in a while now that you are home together. If you have small children, take care of them weekly to give her a break. When your wife makes a special dinner, let he know you really appreciate the thoughtfulness. Also, remember birthdays, your wedding anniversary, Mother’s Day, valentine’s day, and other special occasions that mean so much to her.
Women Need to Talk.
Females are more fluent than males and they love to talk. It’s one way they feel connected with others. Women’s communications are subtle, pay attention to her emotional state and body language as well as her words. You and your wife communicate in different ways, but that doesn’t mean you can’t understand each other. It just takes longer and requires more patience.
Avoid Criticism.
No one likes to be criticized. Never compare your wife’s cooking with your mother’s. She won’t appreciate it and will feel hurt and angry at you. Don’t praise other women because that will make your wife feel you don’t love her. When your wife offers advice or suggestions, thank her. She is sharing her thoughts because she cares.
When your wife shares a problem, don’t immediately try to solve it. All she wants is for you to listen. If your wife says no when you ask for sex, don’t take it personally. Instead, ask yourself what could be worrying her. Women value relationships and need to know their marriage is sound. If your wife seems to be troubled about something, encourage her to talk about how she feels. Let your wife know you love her and appreciate what she does. Women’s communications are subtle so you need to pay attention to her emotions and body language as well as her words if you want to understand what she’s saying. When she offers a suggestion, listen and thank her.
