Collaborative Divorce Texas

  • Donate
  • For Professionals
    • Membership Advantages
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Login
  • Home
  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • What is a Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • About CDTexas
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
  • Blog
  • For Collaborative Professionals
    • Membership Benefits
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Advertise With Us
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Login
  • Donate
  • Contact Us
  • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Why Use a CDTexas Member?
    • About Us
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
  • Testimonials
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Find A Professional
    • How Do I Choose a Collaborative Professional?
    • Attorneys
    • Financial Professionals
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • See All

Donate

You are here: Home / Blog / Tips for Staying on the High Road During a Divorce

Tips for Staying on the High Road During a Divorce

July 12, 2019 By Kristen Algert Leave a Comment

staying on the high road during a divorce

A lot of divorcing couples express a desire to “take the high road” during divorce and the collaborative divorce process supports the couple in this desire. Often a spouse will fall short due to divorce being transactional (“I give you this if you give me that”) and emotional (“you hurt me” or “I am afraid”) and the friction this causes.

Taking the high road:

1. Allows you to be the good guy;

2. Preserves dignity and is respectful to your spouse;

3. Benefits your children;

4. Results in a more satisfying, mutually beneficial agreement; and, 

5. Costs less.

In a collaborative divorce, couples are encouraged to take the high road. To do this, we collaborative professionals advise clients to: 

1. Commit.

Choosing the high road is an affirmative choice, not something that happens by accident. It is a choice you have to make repeatedly throughout the divorce process.

2. Tell the truth.

Telling the truth creates an atmosphere of trust. Trust improves communication. Improved communication allows for productive negotiations and agreements. Lies, silence, evasiveness, ambiguity, and vagueness contribute to anxiety, anger and fear; communication deteriorates and negotiated agreements become more difficult. Justifying less than the truth is not “cushioning the blow” or “sparing feelings” or “protecting your spouse”—it is the opposite.

Tell the truth in the kindest way possible. Yes–“I don’t like the shirt you are wearing”. No–“you look like a slob in that shirt”.

3. Avoid taking things personally. 

Imagine you and your spouse on a trail circling a lake. You walk and your spouse bikes. Your sights and experiences while walking are different than your spouse’s sights and experiences while biking. You are on the same path but have different experiences and perspectives of the lake and trail. Your marriage is the same—you and your spouse have been on the same path experiencing it differently. Your decisions, goals, fears, and ideas are unique to each of you. Trying to convince your spouse that his/her experience and perspective are flawed creates an expensive and endless cycle not conducive to negotiated agreements.

4. Abstain from assumptions.

Making assumptions leads to misunderstandings, distrust, poor communication and increases difficulty in obtaining an agreement. A couple falling in love assumes the best of each other (i.e., he had a good reason for being late). A couple divorcing assumes the worst (i.e., he was late because he doesn’t care about the children). Assuming and then reacting to what you believe is true creates drama where no drama is needed.

Similar to this is believing your spouse reads minds. Hinting, crying, throwing temper tantrums, and gossiping are not substitutes for clearly expressed requests, goals, intentions, and concerns. Instead, ask questions and communicate clearly.

5. Always do your best.

Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements under any circumstance always do your best. Your best will ebb and flow and vary; regardless of  quality always do your best. Keep your commitments; if you find you need to change a commitment, let those to whom it was made know at the earliest opportunity. This builds trust, improves communication, and allows for agreements.

About Kristen Algert

Kristen Algert utilizes the Collaborative Divorce method to encourage respect, promote efficiency, maximize options and minimize harm to the families of divorcing couples.

Filed Under: Blog, Kristen Algert, Our-Featured-Authors, Resources for Divorce Tagged With: collaborative divorce

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Find a Professional

Getting started with the Collaborative Process?

First your need to connect with a trained Collaborative Professional.

[Find Out More....]

Articles by Category

Featured Video

  • Collaborative Divorce Testimonial
  • Child of Divorce

Why Collaborative?

  • Jennifer Leister
  • Steve Walker
  • Carla Calabrese
  • Dawn Budner
  • Becky Davenport
  • Jody Johnson
  • Honey Schef
  • James Urmin
  • Kurt Chacon
  • Natalie Gregg
  • Robert Matlock
  • Deborah Lyons
  • Carlos Salinas
  • Camille Scroggins
  • Linda Solomon
  • Richard Soat
  • Lisa Rothfus
  • Jeffrey Shore
  • Barbara Cole
  • David Brunson
  • Jennifer Tull
  • Syd Sh
  • Susan Z. Wright
  • Christi Trusler
  • Camille Milnser
  • Linda Threats
  • Sarah Keathley
  • MaryAnn Kildebeck
  • David Bouschor
  • LIsa Marquis
  • Harry Munsinger
  • Vicki James
  • Robin Watts
  • Katie Berry
  • Jack Emmott
  • Jennifer Broussard
  • Patricia Havard
  • Paula Locke Smyth
  • Laura Schlenker
  • Norma Trusch
  • Brett Christiansen
  • Tim Whitten
  • Mickey Gayler
  • Melinsa Eitzen
  • Julian Schwartz
  • MaryAnn Knolle
  • Chad Olsen
  • Chris Farish
  • Charles Quaid
  • Anne Shuttee
  • Barbara Runge
  • Rhonda Cleaves -
  • Jamie Patterson
  • Catherine Baron
  • Kristen Algert
  • Sandra Roland
  • Rhonda Cleaves 2
  • Gratia Schoemakers

Have you read?

Advocating for Children in the Collaborative Process

The Texas Family Code provides lawyers with many tools when it comes to advocating for children in family law cases, including a neutral mental health professional, child specialist, and child … [Read More...]

More Articles from this Category

The Collaborative Law Institute of Texas

d/b/a
Collaborative Divorce Texas

Proud Members of IACP

1400 Preston Road
Suite 400
Plano, TX 75093
(972) 386-0158

Please note: Our office will be closed on

Holiday closures:
Limited: Nov. 23rd & 24th
Closed: Nov. 25th , 26th and 27th

Christmas:
Closed from December 24-December 30, 2022.
Offices open on January 2nd, 2023.


Website Terms of Usage

Contact Our Webmaster

 

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Vimeo
  • YouTube

Search Our Website

Find A Professional

  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • Attorneys
  • Financial Professionals
  • Mental Health Professionals
  • See All
EnglishFrançaisDeutschItalianoPortuguêsEspañol

Copyright © 2023 · Collaborative Divorce Texas · All Rights Reserved

· · ·

Web Design and Maintenance by The Crouch Group