Collaborative Divorce Texas

  • Donate
  • For Professionals
    • Membership Advantages
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Login
  • Home
  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • What is a Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • About CDTexas
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
  • Blog
  • For Collaborative Professionals
    • Membership Benefits
    • Events/Training
    • Become a Member
    • For Students
    • Advertise With Us
    • Volunteer at CDT
    • Login
  • Donate
  • Contact Us
  • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • What is Collaborative Divorce?
    • Why Use a CDTexas Member?
    • About Us
    • Master and Credentialed Collaborative Divorce Professionals
    • The Gay G. Cox Award for Excellence in Collaborative Law
  • Testimonials
  • FAQs
  • Blog
  • Find A Professional
    • How Do I Choose a Collaborative Professional?
    • Attorneys
    • Financial Professionals
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • See All

Donate

You are here: Home / Blog / Think Like a Child When Going Through Divorce

Think Like a Child When Going Through Divorce

January 23, 2020 By Norma Trusch

            For many of my years as a family lawyer I was asked by judges to represent the interests of children going through divorce.  As an “ad litem” or “amicus attorney”, it was my duty to talk to my young charges to find out what they were thinking and what was bothering them.  In many cases their parents couldn’t agree on where the children should live after the divorce, which parent should have the power to make decisions regarding the children’s day-to-day life, or whether one parent should have the right to move to a new location, far away from the other parent.  My experience gave me an insight into how many children think during the turbulent period of their parent’s separation and divorce, and the best way parents can deal with some of the children’s assumptions and misunderstandings.

            Insight #1 – children often think that it’s their fault that the marriage is ending; that it is something they have done that has caused the problems plaguing the adults in their lives.  Parents need to make it very clear that the children have had nothing to do with the issues in their divorce and that it is not the children’s job to solve the problems.  Sometimes I heard from parents that the children were doing just fine – in fact, they had never behaved better than they have since the separation.  This may be a warning signal that a child thinks that if he just behaves perfectly that the divorce will do away.  A parent would do well to reassure the child that they are loved and will be loved by both parents no matter what happens between the parents.

            Insight #2 – if encouraged in any way, a child will take sides in the battle between the parents, sometimes acting as a spy in the other parent’s house and reporting back to the “preferred parent” negative things they’ve seen and heard.  Taken to the extreme, this can lead to parental alienation, destroying the formerly loving relationship with the other parent and causing the child resentment and a sense of abandonment.  A wise parent will avoid making negative comments about the other parent, encourage the child to spend time at the other parent’s home, and generally support a close and loving relationship with their ex-spouse…and definitely do NOT encourage spying!

            Insight #3 – children have no compunctions about being manipulative, pitting the parents against each other in a contest to see which parent can be the most generous gift-giver, and the most lenient disciplinarian.  Parents, do not fall into this trap!  If at all possible, work with your ex-spouse to enforce behavioral rules consistently in both homes, and communicate with each other when problems arise with the children.  If you are working together in a collaborative divorce, plan in advance how you will react when problems arise.  Many collaboratively divorced couples schedule weekly or monthly conferences with each other to discuss the children’s development and schedules and enforce each other’s rules consistently.  In a world in which it’s them (the children) against us (the parents), it’s in the children’s best interests that the parents win.

About Norma Trusch

Norma has been a leader in bringing Collaborative Divorce to Texas. With 32 plus years of experience as a family lawyer, Norma brings civility and humanity to her divorce practice, protecting clients' interests and preserving their changing relationships. Norma also trains Collaborative Professionals.

Filed Under: Blog, Divorce and Children, Norma Trusch, Our-Featured-Authors Tagged With: children and divorce

Find a Professional

Getting started with the Collaborative Process?

First your need to connect with a trained Collaborative Professional.

[Find Out More....]

Articles by Category

Featured Video

  • Child of Divorce
  • Collaborative Divorce Testimonial

Why Collaborative?

  • Jennifer Leister
  • Steve Walker
  • Carla Calabrese
  • Dawn Budner
  • Becky Davenport
  • Jody Johnson
  • Honey Schef
  • James Urmin
  • Kurt Chacon
  • Natalie Gregg
  • Robert Matlock
  • Deborah Lyons
  • Carlos Salinas
  • Camille Scroggins
  • Linda Solomon
  • Richard Soat
  • Lisa Rothfus
  • Jeffrey Shore
  • Barbara Cole
  • David Brunson
  • Jennifer Tull
  • Syd Sh
  • Susan Z. Wright
  • Christi Trusler
  • Camille Milnser
  • Linda Threats
  • Sarah Keathley
  • MaryAnn Kildebeck
  • David Bouschor
  • LIsa Marquis
  • Harry Munsinger
  • Vicki James
  • Robin Watts
  • Katie Berry
  • Jack Emmott
  • Jennifer Broussard
  • Patricia Havard
  • Paula Locke Smyth
  • Laura Schlenker
  • Norma Trusch
  • Brett Christiansen
  • Tim Whitten
  • Mickey Gayler
  • Melinsa Eitzen
  • Julian Schwartz
  • MaryAnn Knolle
  • Chad Olsen
  • Chris Farish
  • Charles Quaid
  • Anne Shuttee
  • Barbara Runge
  • Rhonda Cleaves -
  • Jamie Patterson
  • Catherine Baron
  • Kristen Algert
  • Sandra Roland
  • Rhonda Cleaves 2
  • Gratia Schoemakers

Have you read?

10 Signs Your Spouse May Be Cheating

There are few totally reliable signs your spouse is cheating, so it’s often difficult to be certain.  Your spouse could be working late or seeing someone—how can you know?  You want to trust your … [Read More...]

More Articles from this Category

The Collaborative Law Institute of Texas

d/b/a
Collaborative Divorce Texas

Proud Members of IACP

1400 Preston Road
Suite 400
Plano, TX 75093
(972) 386-0158

Please note: Our office will be closed on

Holiday closures:
Limited: Nov. 23rd & 24th
Closed: Nov. 25th , 26th and 27th

Christmas:
Closed from December 24-December 30, 2022.
Offices open on January 2nd, 2023.


Website Terms of Usage

Contact Our Webmaster

 

Follow Us

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Vimeo
  • YouTube

Search Our Website

Find A Professional

  • Find a Collaborative Professional
  • Attorneys
  • Financial Professionals
  • Mental Health Professionals
  • See All
EnglishFrançaisDeutschItalianoPortuguêsEspañol

Copyright © 2023 · Collaborative Divorce Texas · All Rights Reserved

· · ·

Web Design and Maintenance by The Crouch Group