Married couples often develop bad habits that can produce resentment and divorce.
People marry young, share good and bad times, have a family, begin to fight, and have sex less often as they age. Suddenly they feel alone when they are with their partner. What happened? Generally, if you recognize a problem in your relationship and are willing to take steps to change your bad habits, you can fix the marriage. However, it takes two to make a marriage work so if one spouse has his or her foot out the door, it can be difficult to fix a marriage.
1. Communication Issues
The most common complaint among married couples is lack of communication. Many couples put up with problems rather than try to fix them. In the beginning they agreed he would earn money and she would take care of the house and kids. When they face new challenges later on, they have to negotiate a new compact. The issue is whether spouses can listen to each other’s complaints without interrupting or getting defensive and reach anew consensus.
2. Ignoring Boundaries
It’s not uncommon for one spouse to try to change his or her partner. Whether it’s how he or she dresses or about fundamental beliefs, trying to change your spouse will feel like a personal invasion and may trigger defensiveness oranger. Overstepping boundaries can destroy mutual trust. The result is likely to be retaliation or withdrawal from the relationship.
3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
There are lots of reasons couples lose interest in sex–ranging from medical problems to emotional issues. Generally, sexual problems trigger a vicious cycle where it’s difficult to want sex when you feel emotionally distant from your partner and it’s difficult to feel emotionally attached without experiencing sexual intimacy. To get past sexual indifference, couples need to discuss and resolve their emotional issues.
4. Emotional or Sexual Infidelity
A common problem in many marriages is for the couple to become emotionally distant. When this happens, it’s likely he or she may start looking around. Emotional infidelity can lead to adultery and cheating is destructive of a marriage. It’s important for every couples to discuss and agree on what constitutes infidelity.
5. Fighting About Money
Disagreements about money are inevitable in a marriage. One spouse may want to save while the other wants to spend. Disagreement about money usually reflect different core values. To avoid these problems, it’s important to discuss and agree how to handle finances.
6. Selfishness
If one spouse constantly places his or her needs above the goals and interests of the marriage, it’s only a matter of time before the neglected spouse begins to feel rejected and unloved. Getting married involves give and take rather than getting your own needs met all the time. If one spouse dictates the terms of the marriage and won’t compromise, that’s a recipe for disaster.
7. Value Differences
When a couple has core value differences, such as religious preferences, that can cause serious problems. They may have major disagreements about what religion to teach their children. Other differences include how to discipline, definitions of right and wrong, or other ethical conflicts. Everyone doesn’t grow up with the same values, morals, or goals and there is lots of room for debate about right and wrong. If a couple can’t learn to adjust to different values, they may have serious problems in their marriage.
8. Different Life Stages
Most couples don’t think about differences in life stages when they marry, but this can be a significant problem with couples are different ages. Personalities change and a couple may not remain compatible as they transition to different life stages. An older husband may not be interested in beginning a new family while the young bride is anxious to have a baby, or he may be nearing retirement and want to slow down while she needs to stay active.
9. Boredom
Doing the same old thing can get tiresome and it’s hard to make changes in a comfortable relationship until it’s too late. Doing something new from time to time can add spark and spice to a relationship.
10. Jealousy
Being jealous can turn a marriage sour, especially if the jealous feelings are unrealistic. Jealous persons can become overbearing and controlling or angry and rejecting. If you are feeling jealous, see a counselor to decide wither your feelings are reasonable. You may have an attachment problem that needs to be discussed with a competent counselor.
It does take two to make a marriage work. If the marriage cannot be fixed because one or both spouses no longer want to be married, call an experienced San Antonio Divorce Attorney.
The Law Office of Harry Munsinger has been helping clients in Bexar County to successfully divorce without draining the family estate and ruining relationships with children and other family members.
