I recently lost a family member to cancer. Some people might not think of us as family, because he was my ex-husband. But because we divorced collaboratively, we were able to remain family from the very beginning of the divorce process up until I held his hand on his deathbed. As hard as it has been watching my children lose their dad, it has also been reassuring knowing that our sons felt loved, nurtured, and cared for, by both of us. That is because we made the decision to be the best co … [Read more...]
Fear In Divorce
There is no stronger, more enduring or more destructive an emotion in divorce than fear. It strikes at our very essence. It immobilizes us. Makes us sick with worry and unable to believe that we will ever again be alright. President Roosevelt gave his first inaugural address in 1933, at the depth of the Great Depression. He had been elected as President of a nation rich in natural resources and populated with creative, hard-working men and women. There was much about the future which … [Read more...]
Bringing Your Best Self to Your Divorce Process
The moment of arriving at the conclusion that a marriage is over is often one of life’s worst moments. Grief, fear, anger, confusion, and many other emotions we don’t have words for often swirl through all of our being. In this emotional state, our Best Self— the part that can be trusted to make wise decisions for our future—is often in shock. It may even feel like this Best Self has abandoned us. Fear and Anger wrestle to take control in the vacuum. However, Fear and Anger do not make wise … [Read more...]
Jealous of Your Ex Spouse?
Jealousy is most often caused by low self-esteem, insecurity, and fear of abandonment. The fact that jealousy is caused by personal fears explains why divorced people so often feel jealous of their ex-spouse, even though the jealousy makes no logical sense. After all, divorced couples have no emotional connections with each other, so why feel jealous? In spite of being an irrational feeling, feeling jealous of an ex-spouse happens all the time, especially when he or she begins dating, gets … [Read more...]
3 Smart Steps to Protect Your Finances in a Grey Divorce
Did you know divorce came in different colors? Puns aside, “grey” or late-life divorce has become a considerable enough trend to warrant its own category. Every couple’s circumstances are unique: some have grown kids, others are childless; some have built up a considerable next egg while others live paycheck to paycheck. What unites them all is a decision to untangle a family life in their 50’s. Sociologists argue whether this trend is caused by increasing life expectancies, a wider acceptance … [Read more...]
Advocating for Children in the Collaborative Process
The Texas Family Code provides lawyers with many tools when it comes to advocating for children in family law cases, including a neutral mental health professional, child specialist, and child therapist. These are all professional roles unique to collaborative law cases. What are the different ways mental health professionals might be used in a collaborative case? There are three roles that a mental health professional can take on to help bring a collaborative case to settlement, and they’re … [Read more...]
“MAD Divorce” – Annihilate or Collaborate?
As a young person, I came of age during the end of the Cold War. During this time, the United States and the Soviet Union were engaged in an arm’s race with each other that involved an ever-increasing stock pile of nuclear weaponry. The ability to utterly destroy each other ten times or perhaps even a hundred times over was part of a military strategy and national security policy called “MAD,” an acronym for “Mutually Assured Destruction”. The theory was that the use of nuclear weapons by … [Read more...]
Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Spouse
Passive-aggressive people are stubborn, sullen, and inefficient. They blame others, are resentful, resist suggestions, and avoid responsibility. They can’t communicate their feelings, won’t let their partner know what they want, and expect others to read their mind. The passive-aggressive person represses his or her anger and is unaware of the hostility he or she feels. Passive-aggressive people feel misunderstood, are sensitive to criticism, and drive others crazy. … [Read more...]
Do Divorcing People Have to Act Crazy?
Ever known someone who went through a divorce, and they acted like a crazy person? Bet you have. So have I. Wives who cut the crotches out of their husband’s best pants. Husbands who threw their wives’ wedding and engagement rings into the nearest lake. Wives who let their husband’s favorite dog loose on the street. As Rex Harrison – who played the King of Siam opposite Irene Dunne in the 1940’s movie “Anna and The King of Siam” – said: “etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.” Let’s face it, a … [Read more...]
Tips for Kids Going Back to School after a Divorce
Going back to school after a divorce is challenging for children because they face new uncertainties at home and school. Talk with your children about their feelings and help them manage their fears before they return to school. Develop a plan to deal with the inevitable questions from school mates about the divorce to help them cope. 1. Tell Their Teacher About the Divorce Make certain you inform your children’s teacher about the divorce, even if you are able to communicate and … [Read more...]