‘Til Death Us Do Part – The Unintentional Fulfillment of Their Marital Vows, Even After their Divorce A former client called me today to ask what to do with regard to child support since her ex-spouse had died. After I told her, she thanked me for my help in their divorce. They divorced collaboratively. She went on to describe that in the eight plus years since their divorce, they had co-parented successfully. She said that even though people around them wanted them to hate each other and … [Read more...]
Cooperative and Parallel Parenting
Which is Right for your Family? Divorce transforms the spousal relationship into one based on the joint enterprise of parenting, governed by custody schedules and decision-making arrangements. There are two basic approaches to this new relationship, cooperative and parallel parenting. The appropriate model depends on the parents’ ability to contain their conflict. Where they can, cooperative parenting, or “co-parenting,” preferred, but parallel parenting may be necessary to avoid potential for … [Read more...]
What is a Parenting Plan?
In 2005, the Texas Legislature revised child custody by requiring that the parties or a judge develop a parenting plan to allocate rights and duties. The elements of a parenting plan include who may exercise various parental rights and duties, who will pay child support and whether a parenting coordinator is needed to facilitate co-parenting post-divorce. Parents submit a proposed parenting plan to the court and if accepted, the court will issue a parenting order. Developing a parenting plan can … [Read more...]
Impending Divorce? How to Not Spoil the Holidays
The end-of-the-year holiday season can be stressful. There are presents to buy and meals to cook and people to be around with whom we don’t necessarily agree. Even the most functional of families sometimes find it difficult to maintain their equilibrium among all the chaos. Add divorce into the mix and the situation can quickly go from precarious to disastrous. Here are some tips for how to make the holidays go smoothly when you’re dealing with restructured families. Plan everything in … [Read more...]
5 Tips for Taming Social Media in Two Homes
Social media is here to stay. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that today’s kids use social media to communicate with peers, experiment with social skills, share self-expression with like minds, and to develop their own identity. According to Pew Research 81% of children 9 to 17 visit social media sites daily. Regulating children’s social media use can be a daunting task for parents especially when they are raising them between two homes. Discussion Between … [Read more...]
No Need to Reinvent the Wheel: Technology to make Co-parenting Easier
After divorce, communicating with the other parent in a child focused, businesslike manner can be maximized when parents utilize online systems for parents raising kids in two homes. These centrally located programs can assist parents in developing weekly schedules for the kids, provide logistical information, build a searchable history and timeline of key events for children as information is kept “in the cloud” for both parents. Google Calendar: The Google calendar is an online solution … [Read more...]
College Students and Divorce
Much has been written about children and divorce. Divorcing or divorced parents of college-aged students may underestimate how this change in family circumstance affects their offspring. College students are not “immune” from effects of changes within the family unit, parents’ behaviors and expectations, or uncertainty regarding where they belong in their family post divorce. The apprehension surrounding this “new normal” can leave a young adult feeling out of sorts and emotionally … [Read more...]
3 Rules for Introducing a “Step” Parent to Kids
I have had the pleasure of working with families during their transitions, their initial divorce, post-divorce modifications or a second marriage. I started using the language “Bonus Parents and Bonus Kids” when children had anxiety around the idea of a stepparent. I remember as a kid thinking all stepparents must be like Cinderella’s evil stepmother. Kiddos that I counsel still have those fears at times. I learned calling a stepparent a “bonus” for them, another adult to love on them, help them … [Read more...]
The Five Great Fears of Divorce
In 1941, a few months before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, President Roosevelt spoke of the Four Freedoms – freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want and freedom from fear. In World War II, the Japanese army operated in China under what has come to be known as the Three All’s – kill all, burn all and loot all. Sayings need not be connected with uplifting events or good people to be remembered. They are memorable because they distill the essence of their time and tell … [Read more...]
Holiday Time-Sharing When You Are a “Different (Divorced) Kind of Family”
Holidays are a time for families. There is perhaps no more difficult time to be divorced than during the holiday season when everywhere that you look you see a reminder of what you have lost. In light of how hard it is for divorced adults to get through the holidays, it is just as hard for your children when their “new normal” or their “different kind of family” means they are sharing their holiday celebrations between homes and between parents. Divorced parents create a year round … [Read more...]
