Even if there is no major problem in a marriage, such as different core values, addiction, sexual incompatibility, financial issues, adultery or abuse, minor factors may combine to tip the marital scales toward misery and thoughts of divorce.
Lack of Communication
If a couple can’t communicate they will have difficulties adjusting to all the minor problems inherent in marriage. Keeping things to yourself is not healthy for a marital relationship. It’s critical that a couple learn to share their feelings and problems to make a marriage work. A common complaint among unhappy couples is that they don’t understand each other. Unless they share thoughts and feelings, they may drift apart and find they have little in common. Bringing problems out into the open and working out a compromise will make both partners feel better about their marriage and themselves.
Child Rearing Disagreements
Another source of marital difficulty is disagreement about child rearing. Different expectations about who should be responsible for various child rearing tasks can be a source of problems for a young couple. For example, who should take the night feeding, whose turn it is to change a diaper, who should clean the house while the other person is taking care of the baby, who should discipline the children when they are misbehaving, and how should that discipline be done can lead to problems in any relationship. If the husband thinks the wife is responsible for taking care of the baby and the house, he is going to create major problems for himself. On the other hand, if the wife shifts child care to her husband he may resent it. The best strategy is to share the work of child rearing so that neither partner feels overwhelmed.
Feeling Controlled
Do you feel you are not getting ahead at work or school because your marriage is interfering with your success? Do you feel you can’t voice your opinion because it might cause a fight? If you feel suffocated in your relationship, that feeling can produce unhappiness and a desire for divorce. If you feel dominated by your spouse that’s not a good sign. If you feel your spouse does not take your goals and ambitions seriously that can make you feel unsupported and dissatisfied. The best options are to speak up, seek counseling, and try to develop a compromise that will allow you to feel more liberty to pursue your own goals and ambitions. If not, the only other alternative may be a divorce.
Indifference
Feeling bored can happen to couples after years of marriage. Perhaps their children are gone, they have retired, or they stopped acquiring new interests and have settled into a boring routine. Eventually they will begin to grow distant and disinterested in each other and bored with their marriage. This can lead to separation, marital incompatibility, or even divorce. Boredom should rarely be a reason to divorce, unless the couple can’t communicate about their feelings. If they can talk things over, remember the good times they had, try new activities to rekindle the spark, they can make their relationship grow. On the other hand, if boredom is only one sign of a dysfunctional marriage, then divorce may be the answer.
