Facing Your Post-Divorce Future with Confidence

When facing divorce–of your choosing or not–you realize that your once clear vision of the future is upside down. To create a new vision of your future you must take action.

1. Hire The Right Lawyer For You

Consider the qualities that matter most to you in an attorney-client relationship–gender, age, hourly rate, reputation, board certification, specialty, or personality? You will know you have the right lawyer for you if you feel comfortable, appropriately supported, and trusting. The right lawyer will help you identify any other resources or professionals that may be helpful to you such as financial planners, accountants, realtors, mortgage brokers and other experts.

2. Learn Everything You Can

A confused mind always says “no.” In a divorce, there are times to say “no” but there are as many times to say “yes” or “here is another idea.” Clients find it difficult to say “yes” or to suggest ideas when they are uncertain. To feel more certain, ask questions, take notes, and read materials provided. Do the best that you can to understand the law and the issues in your case. You will not always like what you learn, but you will feel more confident, more informed, when presented with decisions.

3. Participate

Studies show that individuals are much more satisfied with an outcome if they participate in the creation of the outcome. Exercising the freedom to make and affect decisions, especially decisions that affect our lives, is a core human need. Resist the temptation to adapt a passive role in your divorce and allowing your lawyer or your spouse make all of the recommendations and decisions. Find your voice and participate.

4. Quit Competing

Someone focused on “winning” loses the ability to persuade and loses sight of what is most important. Quit competing. When the competition stops, defensiveness stops. When defensiveness stops, communication and problem solving begin.

5. Focus Forward

Everyone has the capacity to move forward with confidence. Not everyone moves forward beautifully—sometimes progress is slow, ungraceful, or bumpy. Focus on the future by talking about where you want to go instead of talking about the past. Stop arguing about past grievances and talk about the future.