It’s obvious that going through a divorce is stressful. In fact, the top five stressful life events include: death of a loved one, divorce, moving,major illness or injury, orjob loss. When you think about it, divorce can include some, if not all of those events. Dr. Karen Finn, www.drfinn.com, divorce and personal life coach and author of On the Road from Heartbreak to Happiness, lists the following helpful tips for managing stress in divorce: Deep Breathing – That … [Read more...]
The Five Great Fears of Divorce
In 1941, a few months before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, President Roosevelt spoke of the Four Freedoms – freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want and freedom from fear. In World War II, the Japanese army operated in China under what has come to be known as the Three All’s – kill all, burn all and loot all. Sayings need not be connected with uplifting events or good people to be remembered. They are memorable because they distill the essence of their time and tell … [Read more...]
Can You Hear Me NOW?
Divorce Coaching Can Vastly Improve Communication Can you imagine walking into court for a final hearing for your divorce case thinking you might be led away in handcuffs if you lose? That has to be a scary thought. And an outrageous one. People are almost never taken away in handcuffs at the end of divorce case. As a young lawyer, I once had a divorce case client with whom I had difficulty communicating. Because of my lack of experience, I did not recognize the highly emotional nature of … [Read more...]
Be Mine: 6 Rules for Dating Post-Divorce
Considerations for Dating Post Divorce Valentine’s day is upon us. This is a time of the year where we celebrate romance, love, and relationships. Single parents are not immune to this desire to find someone “beloved” to share their lives with. When looking for the “love of your life” post divorce, it is helpful to remember the following six items when introducing your children to a significant other(s). 1. Do not involve your children in the online dating activities. Do not have them take … [Read more...]
“Good Divorce” is an Oxymoron
Even though almost half of all marriages end in divorce, no one wants to believe it will happen to them. That’s why it’s such a shock divorce happens. Even if you choose a collaborative divorce, it will be painful. You will experience grief, whether you initiated the divorce or your spouse tells you she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore. Your life will be turned upside down, even if you want to have a “friendly” divorce. Telling the Kids It will be hard to tell your children about the … [Read more...]
Can I Date During My Divorce?
The question “Can I date during my divorce?” comes up all the time in my practice. I tell my clients it’s not a good idea to date until the divorce is final – there are too many complications. In spite of my advice, clients do date during their divorce. Usually it’s because they’re lonely or want to feel better about themselves. After all, what could go wrong on a simple date? Lots of bad things if you date while your divorce is pending. There are strategic, legal and emotional reasons not to … [Read more...]
Should I Divorce or Stay Married?
Deciding to divorce is a huge step and it’s difficult to make the right choice. Having second thoughts about a divorce when you are over fifty is natural because you will be facing major changes in your life. Whether you or your spouse wants the divorce, take time to think before you act. Ask yourself some simple questions and think about your relationship systematically. Ask Yourself These Questions Do you still love your partner? Are you just threatening divorce because you’re angry or want … [Read more...]
Divorcing Sucks but Being Single is Fine
Harry L. Munsinger, J.D. Ph.D. In the middle of a divorce it’s hard to believe things will ever get better. A divorce is unpleasant whether you opt for litigation or a collaborative divorce. No matter whether you wanted the divorce or not, it’s traumatic. But you can make less difficult by opting for a collaborative divorce. If you are angry and want to punish your partner, you should hire a litigation attorney and fight it out in court. You will have your day in court and get to tell the … [Read more...]
A “Healthy” Divorce? That’s Impossible!
Divorce can be Different • • • Most people contemplating divorce give consideration to the effects of the process itself…for about 30 seconds. Their near unanimous conclusion is that conflict, strife, financial drain, stress, anger, bitterness and resentment are simply inevitable. And perhaps they are. But perhaps not. Perhaps, instead, this is simply a choice made without a clear understanding of what is possible moving through divorce and building a new life. Perhaps divorce is, instead, … [Read more...]
Coping with Divorce
Communicate, compromise and connect through the collaborative divorce process. Your spouse steps into your room and says: “We need to talk.” Immediately, your stress level jumps and you feel defensive, but you can’t avoid the issue so you face the music and agree to talk. After a few preliminary comments about how unhappy she has been for the past several months, your spouse tells you “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I have hired an attorney and she will be sending you papers later … [Read more...]
