There is no stronger, more enduring or more destructive an emotion in divorce than fear. It strikes at our very essence. It immobilizes us. Makes us sick with worry and unable to believe that we will ever again be alright. President Roosevelt gave his first inaugural address in 1933, at the depth of the Great Depression. He had been elected as President of a nation rich in natural resources and populated with creative, hard-working men and women. There was much about the future which … [Read more...]
History of Divorce: Part II
The earliest recorded case of divorce in ancient Rome involved a patrician who divorces his wife because she was barren. Roman law also allowed men to divorce their wives for drinking wine, going to a public place of entertainment without consent, and other acts of moral perversity. A Roman husband had no duty to support his wife after a divorce for cause. Later, when Roman women attained the right to own property, they could sue for divorce as well. Marriages between Roman citizens were a … [Read more...]
Bringing Your Best Self to Your Divorce Process
The moment of arriving at the conclusion that a marriage is over is often one of life’s worst moments. Grief, fear, anger, confusion, and many other emotions we don’t have words for often swirl through all of our being. In this emotional state, our Best Self— the part that can be trusted to make wise decisions for our future—is often in shock. It may even feel like this Best Self has abandoned us. Fear and Anger wrestle to take control in the vacuum. However, Fear and Anger do not make wise … [Read more...]
Why Dementia (And NOT Your Spouse) May Be Your Biggest Enemy…
For people going through a divorce in their 50’s or later, an increasing number are dealing with the issue of dementia as they go through the process of divorce. Normally, these cases fall into two categories: A divorce resulting from one spouse having dementia; or One of the spouse’s parents who has dementia put such pressure on the marriage through needs and/or demands that the marriage falters. Whether a spouse has dementia or one of the spouse’s parents, the collaborative … [Read more...]
25 Divorce Quotes
Divorce is not funny. When someone is going through a divorce, it can be the most painful time of his or her life. But sometimes it helps to laugh and know that others have been in the same place. In compiling this collection of divorce quotes, I rejected any that were cruel, angry, or cynical and selected quotes that convey honesty, wisdom, and hope. 1. For Sale: Wedding Dress. Worn once by mistake. Call Leslie. 2. Divorces are made in heaven–Oscar Wilde. 3. When I was divorced, I … [Read more...]
The History of Divorce: Part I
Divorce has existed since humans began forming pair bonds and raising children together. Among hunter-gatherer tribes divorce was probably informal compared with modern practices, but we have no solid evidence about how they terminated long-term sexual relationships. Divorce among farming and ranching communities was more formal, but the rules and rituals of divorce, the grounds justifying dissolution, and the ease of getting a divorce have varied enormously throughout history. Divorce in … [Read more...]
10 Things Parents Should NOT Do During a Divorce
Do not put your children in the middle of your conflict. It creates a loyalty bind and may increase emotional distress. Do not allow the children to be a messenger. Parents should talk directly to each other about child-related information. Create a shared calendar for notification, activities, and logistics. Do not take kill shots to the other parent. Spare children from the gory details of the reasons for the divorce. They don’t need to hear negativity from either parent. A divorce is … [Read more...]
Getting A “Get” – The Problem of Jewish Divorce
Religious Jews who wish to divorce can have a problem: a civil divorce alone does not release them to remarry. Pious Jews need a release by a properly constituted religious body before they are free to enter into another martial relationship. It has been the conventional wisdom in the past that this is a matter of no concern to the civil courts; that the doctrine of church-state separation forbids intervention in areas that are essentially of a religious nature. This is not necessarily the … [Read more...]
Financial Planning for Post Divorce
Divorce is an uncomfortable time for most couples. Even if you are going through the divorce using a collaborative approach, you probably don’t know what to expect from the split – which can be nerve-wracking. If you are anxious about your first meeting with the neutral financial planner, here’s what you need to know to arrive well-prepared and confident. Solo or together? Before your head into that first meeting with the neutral financial planner, think about whether you want to attend the … [Read more...]
Finding the Right Family Law Lawyer For Your Divorce
Selecting the right attorney to represent you is both daunting and imperative. A family law lawyer can come in any shape, size, and temperament, just like everyone else. You want an attorney who fits well with your personality, understands your goals, and has the experience and expertise to handle your divorce. You also want someone you can afford, and who appreciates the financial sacrifices most clients have to make to afford legal representation. The process of finding that person is a … [Read more...]
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